Tylenol? That’s Cute.

Let it be noted that it is less than EIGHT DAYS until my surgery and that tonight is the Mr. Marmalade preview! My life is lovely and scary all at the same time. And very tiring.

According to the interwebz, you’re supposed to cease all use of aspirin-containing products about two weeks prior to any surgery. For me, this meant letting go of my best friend: Excedrin Migraine.

It should be noted that 1) I haven’t had nearly as many, or as bad of, headaches as I did pre-Topamax, and 2) the internet has been wrong. It had also told me that I couldn’t take my anti-depressants/anxiety meds before my surgery OR with the pain meds. Both of those things are false.

I figured that even if I did get a headache or two, I could muscle through for two weeks. I mean, it’ just fourteen days, come on! But when the two weeks began, it coincided with the end of my period (major headache time), the start of tech, and of course, being stressed about having my chest cut open in two weeks. I was hit with a doozy of a migraine, probably the second worst I’ve ever had. All of the websites said Tylenol was okay, but even extra-strength had zero effect. Finally, when I had to pause in the middle of a work show to make sure I did projectile vomit onto my audience, I called the hospital to make sure I had the right information.

ME: Hi, I’m calling to ask about the medication I can take pre-surgery.
RECEPTIONIST: I’m looking at your chart… I don’t understand, did you not have a pre-admission visit?
ME: Yes, I did.
RECEPTIONIST: So, what are you confused about? Everything looks fine to me. Did they not tell you what you could take the night before?
ME: (Geez.) No, I have a question about now. I know Excedrin is bad to take, but I have an awful migraine, and I was just wondering if nine days beforehand was a safe enough time prior to take some.
RECEPTIONIST: Is Excedrin not supposed to be taken?
ME: I read that it interacts badly with anesthesia, but if I’m wrong, that’s great.
RECEPTIONIST: Well, I’ll go and check, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that being a problem.
(She puts me on hold. Two minutes later, she comes back, suddenly much friendlier.)
RECEPTIONIST: …You’re right, it is bad. You can take it today, just not very close to your surgery. Oh, and if you get a lot of headaches, you should really bring that up to your doctor.
ME: lolololololololbye

Okay… This is the second medical institution that repeatedly said something along the lines of “I don’t even know why you’re calling.”
…Because you are a hospital and I am your patient and I have a question. I guarantee you I am not the stupidest person you’re going to talk to today.

I was hoping that taking it would knock the migraine out for good and I’d be golden until my surgery, but this migraine is stubborn. I bowed to the pressure again today and took another Excedrin, but today has to be the last day; I’m too scared to take aspirin a week before my surgery. I really, REALLY hope that getting this literal weight off my chest will solve some of these headache problems.

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