Moving and The Fact That I Suck At It

I’m really bad at moving. This is a fact that has been brought up to me before by past roommates, who have left me (rightfully) angry messages informing me that I haven’t cleaned the little bits of paper from under my bed/left things under the bathroom sink/forgot things of mine in the fridge, etc. Yesterday, my parents and sister came to help me move the big stuff in, and my mom commented that they wouldn’t help me next time if I didn’t prepare the things they were going to bring for me.

So I have been made aware of my bad-at-movingness, but it was only today that I myself felt the actual consequences. After spending one last night in my single room, I packed up the rest of my things- sheets, pillows, rugs, fan, food, laptop, etc. First of all- how does all that add up to almost another full car load?! Secondly, moving out like a real, responsible person- i.e. actually checking the shower for things, making sure the room looks presentable and in general dustless, emptying my stuff from the fridge… Well, while I never did it consciously, my previous move-outs have always been done under the knowledge that if I forgot something, my roommate/friend would be able to give it to me. Not so this time. No friends were living with me to scoop up my left-behind-but-still-not-empty shampoo or to say they certainly don’t mind taking the Nutella home with them. Nope- all me.

I think I got everything out of the room and the house, and even remembered to leave the key, which I figured I would definitely forget to do. It was actually kind of sad to leave my little room and the little puppy that could tell I was going. I said goodbye to my landlord and her partner and that was bittersweet and then I packed up the car and left.

I was again reminded that this part of the move was all me was when I was rolling a cart back and forth to the really-far-from-my-building guest parking lot with my two loads (two?!) of  stuff. But eventually I got everything into my room/the fridge/the pantry and all is good. I haven’t decorated or anything yet, but my bed is made and it has pillows on it and I’m drinking a diet Coke, so all is well.

(Also, can I say how strange it is to have my childhood bed and dresser in this new place?)

I did it, guys- I found my first apartment on my own, I moved into it with my family’s help, and, oh, didn’t I mention it earlier? I GOT ANOTHER JOB!

(More on that later 🙂 )

Grown-Up Steps

Tomorrow I take the next big step in my adultness: I move into an actual, non-school-owned apartment.

And I am totally freaked out.

Sleeping on the Moonlight

Hello! I promise I have not forgotten this blog; in an effort to keep it from becoming a “today I did this and this and this” blog, as my old ones were, I try to wait until I actually have something to write about.

This past week was ridiculous, work-wise; I worked two doubles in a row between two days of singles. Included in one of my doubles was my very first moonlight shift.

I knew I was in for an experience because every time I mentioned to my coworkers that I had my first moonlight, they would either smirk or say how sorry they were- or both.

The only thing I really knew about moonlights was that they ran really late- or rather, that they ran so late that they ran early. But my first one was even more special than a normal moonlight. I thought a cruel joke was being played on me when I started hearing that not only would the moonlight be starting an hour later than usual- so, midnight instead of eleven p.m.- but they would be having an extra hour at the end, ending the event at 3:30 a.m. This does not count the extra hour and a half to two hours that it takes to clean up and then set up afterwards.

I wanted to cry, because what I suspected was what turned out to be true: while I am a night person, even I have my limit. Even I have a time where I need to be in bed, especially if, in order to get to that bed, I had to drive forty-five minutes.

Moonlights are also quite different from a normal shift- the music is loud enough to turn us into a club, and the food and drinks are completely self-serve, so literally all the servers do is bus. That late/early in the day, I’d actually prefer to be busy to keep my mind alert, and even bussing duties were removed from us because the event during my first moonlight was a fraternity, and there were so many people on the dance floor that we couldn’t get to any of the tables.

This meant that, with nothing to do but fold napkins, my mind shut down. Partly, it was the monotony of doing the same five folding motions. Partly it was that I was sitting down. Partly it was the intense dizziness- they hadn’t given us dinner or moonlight food, and for me, not eating for ten hours means bad, bad news. An hour and a half into the shift, I was asleep in a discarded chair under the stairs. This is probably very, very against the rules, but I did it anyway. There was nothing else to do. Also, I was so dizzy that I was afraid to stand up.

It seemed like the night would never end, even after the night turned into the morning. Eventually, I went down to the kitchen and stole two rolls from a basket; there was no way I could operate a moving vehicle without some kind of sustenance. And eventually, people did leave, but then we had to clean-up and reset. None of us are ever enthusiastic about reset; it’s slow going, sometimes frustrating, and never the highlight of any shift. But getting us servers motivated to reset at 3:30 in the morning… not going to happen. If we walked across the room, we felt we deserved a little nap. We were too tired to snap at each other, so we just dragged ourselves around hoping we put the forks on the table facing the right way. It seemed like we were resetting for five hours.

There was more that happened during my first moonlight shift, I’m sure, but to be honest, I don’t remember much. And I know I’ll have to work more of these, but I still pray that I won’t. I don’t want to be so tired that I fall into a deep enough sleep to dream. I want to be alert and functional at work. And also, I really hate clubs, so I’d rather not work on one that floats on the water.

The Girl I Mean to Be Part 2: ‘Why?’ is Now ‘Why Not?’

This summer so far has been one of the most eye-opening of my life. Besides being sort-of on my own and realizing, among other things that money does not grow on trees but that it does multiply if you work a lot, I’ve also gotten to know myself so much better.

That sounds weird- how can you get to know yourself better? But it really is what’s been happening since I graduated. I’ve done some things this summer that I haven’t been proud of, but for the most part, I’ve become a better, stronger, and braver person.

It can be really hard to see these changes in yourself unless something drastic happens that forces you to take action. Most of the things I’ve noticed haven’t been like that. Sure, I’ve been making more decisions completely on my own, because I now have the freedom to do that. Yes, part of those decisions were based on the financial freedom that I do have. And it’s true that I’ve been trying to get myself more financial independence by applying for more jobs. But honestly, these are all things I knew would happen eventually. I’m happy they’re happening this soon, but they definitely would have occurred in the future.

But then there are the bigger things. Things like forcing myself to slow down when it comes to auditions. (I’ve been doing this, and it’s been working. I’m so much more relaxed, so much happier, and so much better when it comes to performing.) Things like noticing how much more mature my writing is, subject wise. It’s deeper, it’s more resonant, and I’m so happy with the directions in which its growing. Things like being hurt by a friend and, instead of stewing about it for months and months, choosing to voice the problem right away and finding out that that’s the right thing to do. The problem was addressed and fixed, something that, had it not been talked about that soon, would never, ever have been mended.

And I’m definitely reaping the benefits of these changes. In a few weeks, I’m moving out of my room in this house and into an apartment with one of my friends and two other people: my first non-school-owned apartment. While I still haven’t gotten a show, the knowledge that I did well at my last few auditions helps me sleep at night, and I’m just a lot less harried when it comes to auditions in general. I’ve been exchanging e-mails with my thesis mentor, a playwright that I highly respect and who has been doing some really exciting things, and without my asking, he offered to read any of my material that I wanted him to read. This is a huge boost in confidence for me, especially since he wants me to enter things into a theatre festival and especially because this month, I am pushing myself to do a playwriting event and am seeing how much better and braver I am as a writer. Where I used to pull back and think, ‘I can’t write that,’ I now think, ‘Why not? ‘and write it. And then there’s the whole friend thing: I was hurt and considered freezing him out, but eventually I realized that our friendship was too important to me to lose. However, I also knew that I was in the right and I had to be brave and stand up for myself while trying to keep our friendship intact. As I mentioned, it worked, and I’m proud of the way I handled it.

I don’t know what it is that’s bringing on all these changes- whether it’s growing up or being on my own or just coming into myself- but I’m very grateful for it.