Struggles of an Introvert Part 2

Last night, I went to a party, this time one with friends from my college. And though they are, in fact, my friends… I was still nervous. Like, sick to my stomach nervous. This is not a reflection of how I feel about my friends; I love them and trust them and all that stuff. Perhaps it was because there were going to be people there I didn’t know, enough to make me quake a little but not enough to allow me to disappear into a corner all night.

I almost didn’t go. I listed reasons to myself why I shouldn’t go (there weren’t many, so I just listed the few, a lot.) But eventually, my need to honor an RSVP propelled me into the car.

And you know what? I had a great time. A really great time. Earlier in the day, I met up with my friend Alex for lunch, and he was also going to the party. While he sat there going, “I’m so excited for this party. It’s going to be so awesome,” I squirmed a lot and said, “I probably won’t stay very long. You know. Me. Probably not very long.”

Many of the party members opted to go see a ten p.m. showing of Spiderman, but since I am not an action movie fan and also shouldn’t really be spending money on movies (let alone movies I don’t particularly want to see), I went to the party location at eleven, where one of the hosts, my friend Lauren, was waiting. We had a lovely chat while we waited for everyone to get back from the movie. When host #2 and friend Caleb returned from said movie with a few friends in tow, I felt myself getting nervous. Where a minute before I had been nattering non-stop with Lauren, I suddenly clammed up and didn’t say anything for awhile. But slowly, as I realized that the people there, as well as the handful of others that showed up a little later, were very nice, I started talking a little bit more. At first I was only comfortable chatting with them while clinging to one of the three people I knew, but by the middle of the night (or, more accurately, morning), I was perfectly fine being on my own with the people I didn’t know.

I will admit that one of the big reasons I was leery about going to the party was that I’m still terrified of alcohol. I really thought that my baby step toward being my age would have helped me, but it really hasn’t quelled the terror I feel when there is any quantity of alcohol around. And really, my fear is almost unfounded; one bad experience with a party somehow erases the many times that I have been able to sit with my friends that are drinking and not feel like they’re judging me for not doing so. Due to my fear, I’ve only been to a few larger parties since high school, but save for the first one, they too have been calm, non-judgemental get-togethers. I suppose this is what happens when people are actually your friends at these parties 😉

I think it says something that, for all my fidgeting at lunch and proclamations that I would be leaving early (probably when the drinks came out), I stayed until everyone else started leaving, which was around four. There wasn’t a single time where I desperately checked the clock to see if I had been there for a  polite amount of time. There were few moments where I felt awkward, and I even managed to hold several conversations in which I responded with multi-syllabic words and even full sentences, sometimes a few of them in a row!

Hopefully, good experiences like this will show me that not all parties that are a step above a sock hop are horrors. Because sometimes it’s nice to do what everyone else is doing, even to a degree.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. design vancouver
    Aug 01, 2012 @ 18:53:20

    Thanks-a-mundo for the blog.Really thank you! Great.


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